How we find motivation in life as in games ft. 'Game Frame' by Aaron Dignan

Being a dilettante I've always wondered about motivations. I know I'm a fan of novelty, it's why I enjoy travel and have skimmed through several hobbies. I've dabbled with parkour, BJJ and dragon boat racing among others.

Most recently I've been big into board games. A component of that scene is perpetually trying out new games. I know almost immediately whether I'll enjoy a game in the first few stages of play. I don't find worker placement (aka action drafting) as engaging as social deduction (aka bluffing) games. I struggle, as it's about finding value in amassing wealth and resources. Simulating something I'm already at odds with inside a game only sets off an existential crisis. Deception games on the other hand play into my fascination with social interaction and charisma. The imperative to survive and not lose face in front of friends and strangers is a compelling one. As a fan of politics and pro-wrestling and an avid watcher of 'Survivor', this genre has given me a taste of that world in a fun setting.

A photo posted by Loz In Transit (@30homegames) on Oct 28, 2016 at 8:29am PDT

I have a preference for casual games and was starting to wonder why. I realised that if I could ascertain what it was I liked in board games, I could better understand my wiring and in turn inform my approach to career and other pursuits. 'Game Frame' by Aaron Dignan illuminates the appeal of games through behavioural psychology. Here he explains the two conditions we face when embarking on a new challenge:

'Game Frame' by Aaron Dignan 

Game Frame Using: Games as a Strategy for Success
Lack of Volition. Volition is the will to do something; the motivation and internal drive to see it through. Any kind of proactive or ambitious behavior is evidence of strong volition. People who lack volition feel lost, bored, or disconnected from the task at hand. They can't see why an activity or behavior is worthwhile. A lack of volition is defined by disinterest, low involvement, and arrested development. An individual lacking volition says, "I'm not going to do that. Why would I? What's in it for me?"

Lack of Faculty. Faculty is the belief that we have the skills and tools to handle the challenges we're facing; that we know how to begin and have the confidence to pursue our goals. People who lack faculty in a particular situation may feel that it's too hard, or that it's unclear what they need to do to succeed. A lack of faculty is defined by anxiety, submission, and ultimately, despair. An individual lacking faculty says, "I can't do this. I'm not prepared. I don't know how."

Its a straightforward summation of the dichotomy we face when trying something new. Hitting the point home with a Joseph Campbell reference, Dignan illustrates the edge games have over ordinary life.

One of the reasons we love games is because they instantly place us on our own hero's journey, and from the comfort (and safety) of our living room. There's something tremendously satisfying about playing out an archetypal struggle in which each of us, for the duration of the game at least, is the chosen one. Unlike so many other settings where seemingly meaningless and repetitive tasks frustrate us, in games we are at one with our story... Being part of a story, and one in which we know we're expected to prevail, plays to our sense of volition and faculty beautifully. We come to desire the victory that story presupposes, and we simply must find a way to win.

Games' afoot in Houston

This blog is on the analogy that Life is one big video game, that we do live in the "Matrix". It seems through board games I've just found an analog version of the simulation echo.

Weezer, The Get Up Kids and Morrissey: On the right to be alone

A photo posted by Loz In Transit (@30homegames) on Mar 23, 2016 at 6:25pm PDT

Some of my oldest band tees include a shirt from 'The Get Up Kids', picked up at the second gig I ever went to and a Pinkerton 'Weezer' shirt. Craig Schuftan in his book detailing the hidden roots of rock and roll, references both bands to describe why some unwittingly remain alone.

'Hey, Nietzsche! Leave them kids alone' (2009)
by Craig Schuftan

Hey, Nietzsche! Leave them kids alone: The Romantic movement, rock and roll, and the end of civilisation as we know it
In 'Why Bother?' the singer thinks about finding a girlfriend, but finds insufficient grounds for action. It's like a super-pessimistic version of Wham!'s 'Last Christmas'. Before he's even picked up the phone he's reasoned his way to the following summer, when she'll no doubt dump him and break his heart. So he remains alone. The singer has proved his intelligence while ensuring that he remains miserable. This line of thinking leads to greater and greater inertia -- taken to its logical conclusion, the singer must renounce the search for happiness entirely and derive whatever kicks he can from monkish self-denial...

The Get Up Kids are one of the scores of bands who followed the example of Pinkerton, exploring the lonely landscape Weezer had discovered long after Cuomo himself had moved on. In the Get Up Kids' 'I'm a Loner, Dottie, a Rebel', the hero tells us that last night he was in love, and that the possibility is still there. But sitting by the girl's bedside in the morning, he reasons his way out of whatever future they might have together. 'I'm afraid to try,' he admits, 'I'll keep my hands by my side.' A real man, a natural man (a jock, a Limp Bizkit fan) would do something. But for the Get Up Kids and their fans, this kind of 'action' is deeply suspect... the heroes of the scene tend to be of the static, intellectual type.

Morrissey, in his songs, demands the right to be miserable and alone. This doesn't sound like too much to ask -- but the world keeps telling him he has to cheer up and get over it... And since he steadfastly refuses to do this, his position has, over the years, become more and more entrenched. What started out as a polite request has turned into a war of attrition... The world has refused to accept his personality. No wonder he's determined not to give up the fight. In this war, what's at stake is nothing less than the human soul. 

Eeep!

Marc Maron in conversation with Jason Segel: On discontent when things couldn't possibly be better

PODCAST: WTF with Marc Maron Podcast: Episode 623 - Jason Segel

Actor Jason Segel in conversation with Comedian Marc Maron discusses the persistent feeling of discontent even when things are going as good as they could be. Particularly poignant as Jason quietly battled alcoholism whilst seemingly hitting his stride in Hollywood. Similarly Marc Maron built a career as a comic's comic who never found mainstream success. The early episodes of his now seminal WTF podcast highlighting his struggle with having close "famous" friends, craving recognition whilst having a perpetually peripheral experience of success. Over 300+ episodes it has tracked Marc's conversion from frustrated marginal genius to arguably the Godfather of modern comedy, recently being the first to record a full podcast with a sitting American President.

Jason Segel describes the affinity he shared with author David Foster Wallace who he plays in his latest movie 'End of the Tour' (2015), as well as the interviewer he plays against David Lipsky as embodied by Jesse Eisenberg.

WTF with Marc Maron Podcast: Episode 623 - Jason Segel
SEGEL: The themes of the movie really resonated with me. Its a lot about what we're talking about, outside the comedy about actually being the person. What happens when things are going as well as they possibly can and you still feel the same? This movie ['The End of the Tour'] takes place over the last 4 days, its about David Foster Wallace. Its the last 4 days of the 'Infinite Jest' book tour, its called the voice of a generation, it came out and did as well it could do. He didn't feel better...

VIDEO: 'The End of the Tour' trailer (2015)

On what we're looking for

JESSE EISENBERG: (1h 06m 25s) That was the lens I saw it through, a guy talking to himself on the beginning end of a tunnel. Lipsky is looking up at David Foster Wallace saying "God it must be great to be you? You must feel great? You must feel terrific? What's it like to be so famous?" and David Foster Wallace looking back at him saying "Kid, be careful what you wish for. If you get to where I am you're not going to feel better
MARC MARON: And that's sad
SEGEL: Yeah its sad but its very real and I actually think that one of the reasons David Foster Wallace resonates with people is that he's a man who had the vocabulary to express something that we all feel and maybe are too scared to talk about openly
MARON: Which is? The existential loneliness that persists
SEGEL: Yeeeeah, you're promised by our culture that if you achieve X, Y or Z of if you obtain X, Y or Z or watch this marathon of 'Real Housewives' that you're going to feel better and it turns out that its not true and people are really operating on that assumption and get to that destination and find out its vacant
MARON: But its rare that a person can investigate that loneliness like he did, sadly most people percolate along with a mild feeling of dissatisfaction and anxiety that they can't pinpoint but he decided to explore the underpinnings of existence in relation to these expectations and the onslaught of sensations available 

On Life imitating art

MARC MARON: (1h) ... This character, how close to your experience was it?
JASON SEGEL: At this point in my life, it felt like kismet... I had gotten sober 2 and a half years ago. I'm a year and a half sober at that point, my TV show was coming to an end and I was in a real moment of "What do I do now?". There's a line in the movie that is kinda verbatim from what David Foster Wallace said in this interview - "I have to face the reality now of being 34 years old alone in a room with a piece of paper" and that's what I felt at this point. My safety net was gone. The fact I had a financial safety net didn't really apply to what I felt.
MARON: It doesn't, does it?
SEGEL: No, of course not. Well not "of course not". I suppose from looking outside of it you would think "Of course it does".
MARON: It actually makes it [worse], for a lot of people "What are you complaining about?". But the truth of the matter is, the sad thing when you're in that position is that you do have that and you have these feelings and they're almost compounded. Then you're like "WTF is wrong with me? I can eat wherever I want and I can buy that car if I want to".
SEGEL: This is what the movie is to me, in my opinion. What the movie is, its basically a transcript of this interview that a guy called David Lipsky did with David Foster Wallace where 'Rolling Stone' sent him out to spend the last 4 days of the book tour with him.
MARON: What I noticed about this movie in retrospect is, who is this movie really about?...
SEGEL: I actually think its about a feeling that if you treat yourself (and listen to a speech that David Foster Wallace gave called 'This is Water', its a Kenyon Commencement Speech). It is addressing the exact thing we're talking about in this interview which is Where do you place your value and what is going to address this itch that we keep trying to scratch that's telling us we're not there? That we're not enough. If its success, you'll never be successful enough. If its money, you'll never have enough money. If its talent, you'll never be adored enough. You have to find something else and I just really related to that.

We all go through it no matter how big you are

SEGEL: (1h 17m 30s) No matter how well you're doing, you're going to have feelings about not being enough. You're going to have feelings of dissatisfaction and its tough to find people to talk about that with if, People are all the same if you basically sound like you're whining.
MARON: Or you're seen as the guy who should have everything. You have to have real friends is basically what it is.
SEGEL: Its codified in myth since the beginning of time, this is a Universal feeling. The King feels the same way
MARON: And who's going to feel bad for the king? F*ck that guy. He's the King!

Pete Holmes and Ali Waller talking about being "our best selves"

Comedian Pete Holmes talks to writer Ali Waller about our Adventurous selves vs our Cautious selves

'You Made it Weird' with Pete Holmes: Episode 268 - Ali Waller
ALI WALLER: (19m 20s) I think its always better to have the experience, have the relationship, make the weird mistake than to not. Even though I suffer for that. "Why did I ask that person out, he wasn't into me"...
PETE HOLMES: You're looking like, there's two us-es. There are so many us-es I feel like. There's that guy who's like "I'm gonna talk to strangers on a plane!"
WALLER: That guy.
HOLMES: I can't be that guy. Very, very rarely. Every once in a while I'm in that place where I feel like talking to people. I feel like meeting people. I feel like being my best self. I feel like helping people be their best self and what I try to do is make plans when I'm him and hope that he shows up again when the plan is happening but sometimes its not him and its the other guy...

and further on - 'will'

PETE HOLMES: (35m 05s) I'm fascinated with manufacturing will, like if you could sell a will pill. A pill that could give you the will to do things. I think that's what we're really after...  and that's one of the big struggles of life...
Notebooks, books. Certainly for me books. The potential to do something, we love these investments in this pretend future

As always when this line of thinking gets brought up on YMIW, Woody Allen's 'Vicky Cristina Barcelona' (2008) gets a mention. Vicky (Rebecca Hall) as our reserved self and Cristina (Scarlett Johansson) representing our impulsive alter ego.

VIDEO: Let's fly to Oviedo

Henry Rollins speaks to Pete Holmes about the possibility of "death by misadventure" - the thrill and threats of travel

Henry Rollins not versus the World

Henry Rollins explains to not-so-adventurous Pete how he travels and why he enjoys it:

'You Made it Weird' with Pete Holmes: Episode 243 - Henry Rollins
HENRY ROLLINS: (1h 43m 20s)... You'll be introduced but you wait. You don't go (gregariously) "Hey I'm Henry" . You don't mean any harm and they know you don't but [they'd think] "It's really not how it rolls here". So just know where you are.
And talk to the men "Hey what are you doing?" and if they speak some [English] they'll bend over backwards to show you what they're doing. And I've been invited to homes for tea and fruit and coffee and met the kids who thought the tattoos were hilarious and I've done this all over the world with great success cause I lead with my curiosity not with my (obnoxiously) "I'm gonna go here cuz I'm a tough guy". Cause I'm not. I'm not a tough guy nor am I brave. I'm neither, I'm just curious. And if you get your head cut off in one of these places well that's how that went. At least you died doing what you wanted instead of people who spend many years in a place that they don't like but they kind of learn to accept the gut punch that the job gives them and they tough it out. And one day I'm gonna retire.
So you're basically living for the cessation of the work but not the work itself?... I have found that a lot of people as [Black] Sabbath used to say "Kill themselves to live" and so if I get slaughtered in one of these places with death by misadventure. I don't wanna. I'm not looking to get hurt like that but if it happens.
Eh! Was it worth it? Yeah, definitely. I definitely would rather die on the streets of "name the place" cause I shouldn't have gone there than...

"The most important things are the hardest to say". The trouble with language

The language barrier has been tough in South America, truth be told I'm enjoying the challenge also. Ultimately though "words are inert"

VIDEO: Waking Life (2001)

Waking Life (2001)
KIM KRIZAN: Creation seems to come out of imperfection. It seems to come out of a striving and a frustration. This is where, I think, language came from. I mean, it came from our desire to transcend our isolation and have some sort of connection with one another...

I found an excerpt of this quote in a bookstore in Germany at the start of my EuroTrip in 2011. It's always stuck with me. Didn't realise how awesome it was in full.

“The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them -- words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a tellar but for want of an understanding ear.”
- Stephen King, 'Different Seasons'

It captures the feeling I have when I can't quite impart the experiences I've had traveling and partly why I don't bother so much with photos.

Sourced from amigo: 'Nada en Realidad' Tumblr

It's why I take stock in living in the moment and valuing the fact experience is felt in the bones.

- When words fail: Language and Connection in South America
- 'Loz in Transit' on the radio: Talking 'Waking Life' and existentialism

Francesca Borri on the disconnect in realities, at war and in peace

A brilliant existential piece by Italian freelance journalist Francesca Borri, describing the disconnect between the frontlines and the other ugencies of our comfortable realities.

Francesca Borri: The twisted reality of an Italian freelancer in Syria

Woman’s work
He finally wrote to me. After more than a year of freelancing for him, during which I contracted typhoid fever and was shot in the knee, my editor watched the news, thought I was among the Italian journalists who’d been kidnapped, and sent me an email that said: "Should you get a connection, could you tweet your detention?" 

That same day, I returned in the evening to a rebel base where I was staying in the middle of the hell that is Aleppo, and amid the dust and the hunger and the fear, I hoped to find a friend, a kind word, a hug. Instead, I found only another email from Clara, who’s spending her holidays at my home in Italy. She’s already sent me eight "Urgent!" messages. Today she’s looking for my spa badge, so she can enter for free. The rest of the messages in my inbox were like this one: "Brilliant piece today; brilliant like your book on Iraq." Unfortunately, my book wasn’t on Iraq, but on Kosovo.

Searchlab Lecture: Richard Linklater talking about being at peace with your art

VIDEO: Richard Linklater - Searchlab Lecture (Part 2)

RICHARD LINKLATER: (17m 30s) Sometimes it connects and sometimes it doesn't but you have to make your peace. If you're not doing it for that reason anyway you can look at it philosophically if it doesn't... I made it for a $100, 000. I had a good experience and I want it to be a hit too. Your reward is the work, you've got to make peace with your movie. The last time you watch it on your own... inevitably you'll be with your whole film alone. That's your best screening. Right then, right there. Make your peace with it before anyone else sees it. Know what you think about it. This is what I got out of it. This is what I learnt, here's I'm a better person for this. I met so many great people. I articulated this story I've been thinking about for 10 years, 20 years or 3 months or whatever. This is a gift... Just be thankful that you gotta to do it and if it hooks up with the public, you can move forward and incorporate it in your life. If it made a lot of money it doesn't make it a better movie, and if it doesn't make money its doesn't make it a worse movie. But Hollywood will always judge it that way, at least for a three year period I've found.

I've made movies that tank and I've noticed people treating it like it was a success years later. That's good, that just means they liked it or that its real life has emerged. That it was quality or there was something that people ultimately responded to...

Find other posts that reference Richard Linklater
- 'Loz in Transit' on the radio: Talking 'Waking Life' and existentialism
- Searchlab Lecture: Richard Linklater talking about being at peace with your art
- Home Movies: 'Before Sunrise' - "I've never been anywhere" quote
- Anticipation for 'Before Midnight' and why 'Before Sunrise' is my favorite movie (No Spoilers)
- Anticipation for 'Boyhood' and why Richard Linklater is my favorite director
- How the Movie of our life ends: Linklater's film 'BoyHood' and Duncan Watts' book 'Everything is Obvious'

Sylvester Stallone on Rocky's celebration: Freezing the moment of ecstacy

VIDEO: The Rocky Story by Sly Stallone (3 of 4)

SYLVESTER STALLONE: (4m 22s) Wouldn't it be interesting to catch a man’s moment—a man’s life—at the quintessential, seminal moment? I thought, wouldn't it be interesting that the first thing Rocky says when she [Adrian] comes into the ring is, ‘Where’s your hat?’ I mean, he’s so into her and the way she looks that he doesn’t care that his eyes are swollen shut, his hands are smashed, and he’s just done the greatest thing in his life. He doesn’t say, ‘Look at me.' 

The visuals are working, the sound is working, the body movement is coming together at this absolute peak, and right there, when I embrace her... we froze right at the single frame where he is looking elated and has her in his arms. There’s this look of ecstasy, and in the next frame it just deflated. There it is—from that moment on, it’s all downhill: how we all hit this absolute maximum of elation and celebration, and it can only be sustained for an infinitesimal moment in time. And if you can just imagine how great it would be to freeze that moment...

Sylvester Stallone is unfairly maligned as an oaf. Betrayed by his beefcake appearance and slurred speech, he is overlooked as the artist he truly is. Which only makes 'Rocky (1976)', the film he wrote and starred in, all the more poetic as it mirrors his own underdog life.

Rocky: Leading actor and writer, Sylvester Stallone. Directed by John G. Avildsen

In this talking heads special feature found in the Rocky box set, Sly talks about the pinnacle of life, the moments of glory that forever define us and our future potential.

- When fireworks underwhelm: Returned Soldier Kyle Wilson and Comedian Pete Holmes "feel nothing"

When fireworks underwhelm: Returned Soldier Kyle Wilson and Comedian Pete Holmes "feel nothing"

A friend of mine was explaining the closing scenes of movie 'Blue Valentine' (2010) on the theme "Love ends". She described how the final shot was of the lead couple enjoying a fireworks display with a montage of the early stages of their relationship overlayed.
The friend she watched it with posed the question "Why do you think the filmmaker did that?". Stumped, he replied "Its a metaphor for love".
Cue awkward collar pulls.

aaaawkward 

Its part of the human experience for feelings to wane, guess the trick is not be defeated by it. Below are two pieces I've enjoyed in past weeks which touch on fireworks and passion.

'Hack' is a Current Affairs show on National Youth Broadcaster, Triple J. During ANZAC week they covered several stories on the human toll of War. Featured heavily was 22 year old Kyle Wilson, a returned soldier returning from the Afghan theatre. He explains to Alex Mann his feelings of ennui at home after so much adrenalin abroad.

Hack: Wednesday 24th April
KYLE WILSON: (6m 40s) When I got back people used to be like, let's go watch the fireworks but fireworks bore me to tell you the truth
ALEX MANN (voiceover): The common theme for all three guys is the intensity of the experience and the emotion they shared with their mates when serving. Kyle says that now he's home, nothing else seems to measure up
WILSON: I miss Afghanistan so much. I miss the mates I was with and I miss the fighting aspect of it. But it also comes with a lot of downers as well but I'll always miss that feeling. I'm sure every soldier who's been through that experience listening right now will be saying the exact same thing. They miss that Adrenalin rush.

I had the pleasure of trekking south to Melbourne to see Pete Holmes perform in Australia for the first time. I got to hear this joke live. In conversation with running mate Comedian Eddie Pepitone he explains the origin of the fireworks joke during a joint day at the zoo.

'You Made it Weird' with Pete Holmes: Episode 143 - Eddie Pepitone
HOLMES: (11m 30s) ... Sometimes you'll have the greatest day in the world and you'll just be like "But I just don't feel great"
PEPITONE: Its like what you said in Australia which I love. Pete did this thing in Australia where he went to see Koalas and he told the audience that night - "I saw Koalas, I felt nothing".
room laughs
and I found that the funniest thing because my wife was all over me - "You gotta see the Koalas, You gotta see the Koalas".
HOLMES: The actual line which you loved so much was, I do say "I felt nothing". But the opener was "You ever look at something and wish that it meant more". And that's how I feel when I look at fireworks
PEPITONE: Haha fireworks too
HOLMES: Fireworks are one of those things that when you look at the colors in the sky and you're like eerrrrrrr...
PEPITONE: Its just a great metaphor, its just a a great way to talk about what I'm talking about. I thought that success (not that I'm a major success), I thought success would be - End of all Problems! but that never ends...

Watch Pete deliver the observation at the 'Festival Club' for the Melbourne Comedy Festival

VIDEO: Pete Holmes - ABC2 Comedy Up Late

Find more posts on "losing a feeling":
- Read more about the "Hero's Journey" (aka The Monomyth)
- Coming Home from a year abroad. Reverse Culture shock and beating the travel Blues: The Hurt Locker (2008)
- Comedian Pete Holmes on adjacent experiences: Conversations relating to Travel, dreams and life
- Argentina observations: Do you really want to live forever young?

Harmony Korine talks to Marc Maron about "Plotting" and The Joker talk to Harvey Dent about "schemers"

L'enfant terrible Harmony Korine

Marc talks to 'Spring Breakers' director Harmony Korine about the value he places in plot for his films and life

WTF with Marc Maron: Episode 374 - James Franco, Harmony Korine, Nate Bargatze, Peter Sagal
MARC MARON: (59m 30s) So story initially is not that important?
HARMONY KORINE: No I mean story is always important. Characters are always important. Sometimes I have a problem with like the idea of plot
panel and audience laughter
Cuz life never seems plotted or people who plot things seem horrible. Right? If you're a person who's gonna plot your life I don't want to be around you. So why would I want to plot my movies?
MARON: You might want to be around them when the plot starts failing cuz that's always interesting. Well that plot didn't work out now its...
KORINE: Story and characters are what I like

The Joker reasoning with Harvey Dent (Two-Face) on the merits of chaos over order

VIDEO: The Dark Knight - Hospital Scene (Two-Face and Joker)

The Dark Knight (2008)
THE JOKER: [speaking to Two-Face] Do I really look like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? I’m a dog chasing cars. I wouldn’t know what to do with one if I caught it! You know, I just, do things. The mob has plans, the cops have plans, Gordon’s got plans. You know, they’re schemers. Schemers trying to control their worlds. I’m not a schemer. I try to show the schemers how, pathetic, their attempts to control things really are. So, when I say, ah, come here, when I say that you and your girlfriend was nothing personal, you know that I’m telling the truth. It’s the schemers that put you where you are. You were a schemer, you had plans, and uh, look where that got you. I just did what I do best. I took your plan and I turned it on itself. Look what I did, to this city with a few drums of gas and a couple of bullets. Hm? You know what, you know what I noticed? Nobody panics when things go according to plan. Even if the plan is horrifying. If tomorrow I tell the press that like a gang banger, will get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because it’s all, part of the plan. But when I say that one, little old mayor will die, well then everyone loses their minds!
[Joker hands Two-Face a gun and points it at himself]
Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I’m an agent of chaos. Oh and you know the thing about chaos, it’s fair.

Find other Marc Maron posts below:
- AV Club's Nathan Rabin talks about Podcast Culture on Marc Maron's 300th episode of WTF
- Actor, Writer and Traveler Mike White speaks to Marc Maron about Adventure
- Dan Harmon talks Television with Marc Maron on GT4: "Hamburger" Art and living in a "concrete, Orwellian Honeycomb"
- Is Andrew W.K a persona that has been played by multiple actors? Marc Maron in conversation with Andrew W.K.

Coming home from a year abroad. Reverse culture shock and beating the travel blues: The Hurt Locker (2008)

The closing scenes of 'Hurt Locker' (2008)

There's always a period of adjustment when coming home after a year abroad. Settling back into the grind of daily life you encounter people who don't even realise you were gone. Conversely those aware of your absence show little interest to what you did while you were away. Then you come to realise everyone's been living eventful lives (marriage, divorce, mortgages, promotions, kids). You just hadn't been paying attention. You needed your own experience and some time away to get the fresh perspective to see what's always been there.

The more you experience, the more you realise nothing is new - Its just new to you. I've started to have a new appreciation for the stories people tell, messages in movies resonate more.

If you ever get the blues after returning from an extended stay away from home. Don't feel so bad, its human to crave returning to environments where we felt invigorated even though we belong elsewhere. While you're dying to reenlist for your next adventure don't forget that there are others itching to getaway again with their backpacks also.

The Hurt Locker (2008) - Civilian life in the supermarket

The Hurt Locker (2008)
Staff Sergeant William James: [Speaking to his son] You love playing with that. You love playing with all your stuffed animals. You love your mommy, your daddy. You love your pyjamas. You love everything, don't ya? Yea. But you know what, buddy? As you get older... some of the things you love might not seem so special anymore. Like your Jack-in-a-box. Maybe you'll realise it's just a piece of tin and a stuffed animal. And the older you get, the fewer things you really love. And by the time you get to my age, maybe it's only one or two things. With me, I think it's one.

- Transcript: Travellers depression and feeling the pain
- Backpacking Round the World Trip - A modern day "Hero's Journey" (Joseph Campbell)

Actor, writer and traveller Mike White speaks to Marc Maron about Adventure

WTF with Marc Maron: Ep #364 Mike White

Marc Maron's WTF conversation with Writer/Traveller/Actor Mike White is resonating with me at the moment - WTF with Marc Maron Podcast: Episode 364 Mike White.

Mike White is probably best known for writing and starring in 'School of Rock' and HBO's recently cancelled 'Enlightened', a series informed by an on-the-job meltdown Mike suffered which mirrors the show's premise. White famously competed with his father twice on the reality travel show 'The Amazing Race' when he was already well established in Hollywood.

Conversation and life Closing statements

MIKE WHITE: (1h 25m) ...If my parents died, its like at some point I could just walk into the ocean and maybe I will. Not because I'm suicidal, but its sort of I already know -- I feel like with my work I've already expressed myself, I've expressed myself in different forms. I've had my babies in a sense. I had a melanoma scare, it was one of those things where I had three surgeries and it was one of those things, this could be "IT". And I was like... at least I put it all out -- I ran the race. I ran the 'Amazing Race'.
MARON: I'm done
WHITE: I never won an Oscar but I was there. I won a prize, I've won prizes. I know what that's like. I know what its like to have a party and be the center of attention. I know what its like to be in a relationship. I know what its like to have great sex. I know what that's like. I also know what its like to be deprived of those things. And I don't know, what's left?
MARON: I don't know. What is?
WHITE: I don't know we'll figure it out.
MARON: Thanks Mike
WHITE: *coughing*
MARON: Are you alright?
WHITE: Yeah

Call to Adventure

MIKE WHITE: (29m mark) I'm kind of like a thrillseeker. I like a new adventure... and after a while even if you're doing exactly what you want to do, you're still driving to the set. It becomes a routine, it has a routine aspect to it and all making of things is painstaking, tedious - but when you're on the Amazing Race your adrenalin is pumping 24/7.

White on the tortured relationship of writing and living a reality

MARC MARON: (32m mark) Did you do anything when you were growing up to have that feeling?
MIKE WHITE: No! I don't like drudgery or routine. I mean I can do my homework but I like new experiences.
MARON: So what do you seek out?
WHITE: I dunno, just dark stuff (half joking)... I don't know, we all have different sides to ourselves. Its like I wanna be elsewhere, I wanna always be doing new things.
MARON: Its weird, when you have a computer and you're sitting at home, you have access to things. Part of you feels like you're doing new things and then eventually you realise I'm by myself and its gotten a little ridiculous
WHITE: Right, when you're a writer you spend a lot of time not living because you're putting your life, your thought and your effort into your writing so after a while you have a tortured relationship with the act of writing... there's this anger that builds up. Like I wanna live, me as an actor on the stage of life versus the writer...

On how short life is

MIKE WHITE: (34m 45s mark) The more you're in the zone where you're living it as you're writing it or in reverie. There's a rush to it. After a while you see yourself in a bird's eye view. How are you living your life? Its like you only have one life... I guess its a midlife crisis but after a while you start to see the finite amount of things that you're gonna be able to do and you just want to rage against it

And learning to let go

WHITE: (36m 20s mark) I've gone through this period where when I'm invited to do something random I just do it because I feel "I should do that". And after a while -- I recently read a book about fetishising, this thing we feel where we need to have experiences. Its a Buddhist-- at some point you can let go of "missing out on things". A healthy place. You don't need to have sex with every new person, you don't need to visit every corner of the universe

MARON: To be happy or feel like you've done something
WHITE: Which for many people, that doesn't even [register] but for some reason that's my [dilemma]...

Find other Marc Maron posts below:
- AV Club's Nathan Rabin talks about podcast culture on Marc Maron's 300th episode of WTF
- Actor, writer and traveller Mike White speaks to Marc Maron about adventure
- Dan Harmon talks Television with Marc Maron on GT4: "Hamburger" Art and living in a "concrete, Orwellian honeycomb"
- Is Andrew W.K a persona that has been played by multiple actors? Marc Maron in conversation with Andrew W.K.

'Cloud Atlas' director Lana Wachowski on the value of making art

'Cloud Atlas' (2012) directed by Andy & Lana Wachowski and Tom Tykwer

'Cloud Atlas' co-directors Andy and Lana Wachowski and Tom Tykwer discuss the holistic value of making art to Chris Hardwick for the Nerdist Podcast

Nerdist Podcast #275: The Wachowskis and Tom Tykwer
LANA WACHOWSKI: (19m 50s) The film was made entirely as an act of love in the exact same way that all young filmmakers begin. The film has a purity of almost amateur intent because we didn't get paid, we put our own money into it, we mortgaged the house to pay for it and when you talk about "What is the value of things?". The value of this film no matter what it paid, we don't even think about it really as a potential financial reward. It will never really be equal to the value of what we've experienced making it, the value of having our lives intersect for this period. The value of making this piece of art that is unique and unconventional and has so much of our lives woven into it.

I mean everyday we keep saying "Oh my God, its so much like the movie". We keep using lines from the movie to speak, we don't even have our own original dialogue anymore. No matter what happens I'm so grateful for the fact that it exists and it will be there forever, it will always represent to me this moment in my life that has been so important. Money is such a small part of measuring the value of making art...

Make Ruby Real: 'Ruby Sparks' trailer quotes

VIDEO: Ruby Sparks - Official Trailer HD

 

Ruby Sparks (2012)
Dr. ROSENTHAL: Why do you think you're not writing
WEIR-FIELDS: I don't know. I get a good idea and then Bam! I start thinking its the stupidest thing ever
Dr. ROSENTHAL: Tell me about it?
....
Dr. ROSENTHAL: I'm glad you found something that inspires you
WEIR-FIELDS: Inspires me! Its like I'm falling in love with her
Dr. ROSENTHAL: That's wonderful
WEIR-FIELDS: I can't fall in love with the girl I write
Dr. ROSENTHAL: Why not?
WEIR-FIELDS: Cuz she's not real
...
HARRY: There's gotta be some logical explanation. People don't just appear out of thin air
WEIR-FIELDS: She did.
HARRY: How?
WEIR-FIELDS: I don't know how. Its love. Its magic
...
HARRY: You manifested a woman with your mind
...
WEIR-FIELDS: You may see this and think its magic but falling in love is an act of magic...

Half of my friends are getting married. The other half are emailing each other pictures of women enlisting them to help find their "Dream" girl. This movie seems to have the answer.

Go to the official 'Ruby Sparks' movie website - MakeRubyReal.com

Tron Legacy (2010): "...The Universe up for grabs. Biodigital jazz, man"

Screenshot from www.FlynnLives.com

Tron: Legacy (2010)
KEVIN FLYNN: The Miracle...You remember. ISOs, isomorphic algorithms, a whole new life form.
SAM FLYNN: And you created them?

KEVIN: [Laughs] No, no. They manifested, like a flame. They weren't really, really from anywhere. The conditions were right, and they came into being. For centuries we dreamed of gods, spirits, aliens, and intelligence beyond our own. I found them in here, like flowers in a wasteland. Profoundly naive; unimaginably wise.
They were spectacular. Everything I'd hope to find in the system; control, order, perfection. None of it meant a thing. Been living in a hall of mirrors. The ISOs shattered it, the possibilities of their root code, their digital DNA. Disease? History! Science, philosophy, every idea man has ever had about the Universe up for grabs. Biodigital jazz, man. The ISOs, they were going to be my gift to the world.

I finally watched Tron Legacy. It was directly after unlocking the secrets of the universe whilst away at the Gold coast so it was quite profound. Interestingly the movie was mentioned during my *trip*.

Home Reading: 'Out-of-body Experience' (Astral Travel) and 'What a Coincidence!' (Synchronicity)

<< crossposted on the 'Loz in Translation' blog

I can't recall how my fascination with "consciousness" began. I've always been intrigued by reality, more specifically 'hyperreality'. It has its roots in my love for wrestling and exposure to it in movies. I was formally educated on it in my Design Studies classes in University which was around the time seminal movies like Fight Club and The Matrix were being released.

My year abroad definitely awakened and accessed parts of my consciousness. A powerful sense of Déjà vu struck me at a particular sight on the Main Square in Riga, Latvia so much so that I was compelled to text my Couchsurfing host of it. I read books on mastering memory when I was in Den Haag. I've had my reality shaken by scammers in Istanbul. I've referenced Dreams and Synchronicity in previous posts as well.

Below are two books I've read recently on these themes, I've highlighted passages which resonated with my recent line of thinking:

'What a Coincidence' by Susan M. Watkins 

Ch 5. Random Thoughts, Media Feedback
Thus the vocabulary of your interest determines the symbols used by your inner senses, exactly the way dreams operate. Within the safety of that framework, chosen and adapted by you, coincidence will often seem to cycle around bits and pieces that suggest themes you should be paying attention to...

Again, this is exactly what your dreams are up to, or rather what you are up to in your dreams, even when you don't remember them consciously. In that way, coincidences are the awake world extensions of the dream state...

Or maybe just learning to acknowledge coincidence is enough to maintain a link to the inner, natural workings of consciousness. Maybe coincidences are always there, muttering in the background, forming the internet of our days, a media hullabaloo of their own. And when you do notice them, even peripherally, your intuitions spring to attention and force you to ask questions about your reality: What's going on here? What is it I have access to? Something? Nothing? Everything? And once you've asked these questions, you can never quite go back to thinking of your position in the world as meaningless or mechanical.

My fascination with Astral Travel only recently came about through the compelling conversations I heard between Comedians Duncan Trussell and Pete Holmes. As someone who places a premium on living in the moment and being "present", I later realised it was odd that I'd be fascinated by leaving one's body and going to far off places.

The Out-of-Body Experience by Anthony Peake 

Ch 10. The Physics
Recent suggestions by Professor Stephen Hawking and an associate, Thomas Hertog of CERN, make this an even more fascinating proposition. They have presented a complex mathematical model proposing something that they term the 'observer created universe'. They argue that all these universes do not branch off and exist in isolation, but they exist simultaneously in a state of 'superposition' You will recall that this is the state a particle is in before it is 'observed'. It exists in a superposition of all possible locations where it may statistically be found when the probability wave collapses.

Let us step back and take account  of exactly what one of the world's leading physicists is suggesting - you are creating your own universe as you go along, and so is every other consciousness. And this goes for all the other people you interact with in a lifetime. We are all existing in our own personal computer game in which each decision brings about a different version of reality, but (and this is very important to grasp) the potential outcome of each decision exists whether or not you choose it.

Find other books in the Home Reading and Road Reading collection here
Read my previous post on Synchronicity here - Travel coincidences and Counting the serendipities

Dan Harmon and Duncan Trussell: We are in a simulation echo. God was originally a mortal programmer who "sacrificed himself as a player"

Mind-blowing comedian Duncan Trussell and community creator Dan Harmon discuss the idea that we are in one big simulation echo:

Duncan Trussell Family Hour - Episode 33: Dan Harmon 

DUNCAN TRUSSELL: (20min mark) We're getting really good at simulating reality... In the next couple of years we're gonna figure out a way to map the neural structure of the human brain and simulate that within one of these games - well its not gonna be a game anymore at that point. It'll be a habit trail for disembodied parts of the consciousness that think they're real right?
So the idea is if that could happen with us... Then it probably already happened
DAN HARMON: (in unison) already happened
TRUSSELL: We're in it
HARMON: If it probably happened then it did happen. Because its an infinite universe and time doesn't exist except within the confines of one universe... then what you have is an infinite simulation of universes. I guess the question is, is there something outside of that?
TRUSSELL: Well no that's the original programmer. Then suddenly that's where you get to this thing where - I never understood the whole Jesus died on the cross for our sins... I never could understand what's the magic behind that. How does that work? Of course that's just an archetype for humans eating the God. That's in a lot of different religions. Then suddenly you have this thing where No, the person who died WAS God. The original programmer was mortal, that was a mortal being that figured out how to make the simulator and that poor sonofabitch died so we could be infinite in this f*cking thing

HARMON: Because God so loved us he gave his only begotten son - He loved the videogame so much he went into it and found out that the way for the game to last forever is to sacrifice himself as a player
TRUSSELL: He had to die cuz he was mortal. He wasn't a simulation. Whoever started the f*cking echo of the simulation. Whoever started the simulation, creating the simulations inside the simulations. That was a mortal.
The paradox of God is that God was mortal, the programmer died a long time ago. He's long gone but the echo of his creation goes on infinitely folding in on itself perpetually...

Find other Dan Harmon and Duncan Trussell conversations here:

- Ousted 'Community' creator, Dan Harmon speaks to Duncan Trussell about "permanence"

- Dan Harmon and Duncan Trussell: We are in a simulation echo. God was originally a mortal programmer who "sacrificed himself as a player"

- 'Wreck-It Ralph' and Simulation Theory: Are we characters in a Video Game?